Everyday Moments

The diversity of how I experience time in retirement fills a range of emotions. At times, I embrace the moment and enjoy the silence, particular when I wake up early. At times, I enjoy social moments of connection such as playing soccer, board games, mahjong, or the piano. Elias is back from UCB. On Friday, we had a family dinner and set up Christmas decorations. Caleb, Elias, and I played Wingspan and I enjoyed the background noise of everyday life. But Saturday afternoon, I was a bit stir crazy with the rainy weather -- limited soccer games, limited biking, and an uncomfortable angst. Pearl and her sisters are struggling with care for Mom and Dad. They have differing opinions as to whether to hire in home care or send Dad to a home, as mom can no longer care for him. Each day, I feel I experience both amazing awe and nostalgic dispair. Before retirement, Life was building a career, a family, a path, a legacy. Now in retirement, simply seek to live each moment and experience life -- both the joys and sorrows.

Dreams of My Father

Pearl came home from Hawaii yesterday evening. This morning, I am up at 3am. I had a dream that I was at a church musical event. It felt something like an Odd Fellows event with people serving beverages to guests. I entered the room. I saw our interim Pastor and then my dad. It was if he were still alive. I immediately walked up to him where the servers were and gave him a giant hug. I wouldn't let go. I woke up shortly afterwards, and I am reminded of the truth--that he passed away long ago.

I am awake now, reminded of my past and this current moment. I admire my Mom. If I could emulate anyone, it would be my Mom with here mental strength, faith, eternal gratitude, and preservance, despite adversities. Yet, it is my father who gives me my identity. I title this post "Dreams of My Father" named after Barrack Obama's book. I read so few books these days, yet this book is one I treasure. Obama's book is about how his father, despite his absence, still, nottheless, had a profound effect on the man who would be President. I am grateful for my Father and his presence in my life. I am grateful for my children, as I hope to cultivate presence in their lives through acceptance and adult friendships.

Exploring and Connecting

My short trip to Cupertino was filled with visiting friends, hiking, and eating good Asian food. It was great to catch up with Wajohn, Ken, and Jeannie. Rancho San Antonio was familar but also new. The trails were more established than I remember and even had paved bike paths. The zoo was a delight. It's nice to see working farm animals: cows, sheep, goats, chickens, and even baby pigs. The restrautants were great including an H-Mart and Japanese Grocery Superstore.

Finally, I invited extended family over for a simple Costco dinner, Kings game, and Game Night. The house is quiet with Pearl away in Hawaii. I'm glad several people were able to come: Tom's, Chings, Lockes, Stephen. I'm always grateful that Caleb & Rachel, Philip, and Mae came too. I like being around people, even if I don't talk much. There is an one bedroom condo available at Washington Commons. I ponder, question, wonder -- should I buy it??? So far, the short ocassional trips to Foster City, Asilomar, and Cupertino; along with day trips to SF have worked well.

Cupertino

I enjoyed lunch with Wajohn. Next, I passed by Garden Gate and explored H Mart in Cupertino. Tomorrow, I'll hike Rancho San Antonio then visit Ken.

Feeling Lazy in the Short, Foggy Days

I skipped soccer yesterday. It's easy to get lazy. On one hand, I know I should play, because I always feel better afterwards. On the other hand, I am getting older and my limited skills are in decline. With limited soccer in the winter, I hosted a couple of poker games. It's fun. Even Philip and Caleb stopped by. I've also been attending several UCD student concerts on campus. Tonight is Thursday Live concert after the City Tree lighting ceremony. Tomorrow, I'll shop and have lunch with Mae. In the evening, Pearl, Henry, and I will see the Doobie Brothers. Next week, Pearl will be in Hawaii with Sandra. I'm planning to visit Wajohn, then explore Cupertino.

I do worry about Mae and her dating and job situation. On one hand she is an adult, saved her own money and should have the automony that comes with being 21 years old. On the other hand, she has some limitations with her disability. It's difficult to balance.

Thanksgiving Weekend is Over

We drove Elias back to UCB, then Caleb, Philip, Mae and I watched the Kings game. The entire Thanksgiving weekend seems like a blur. The house is definitely quieter with Elias gone. A serendiptous adventure was dining at the Thai temple in Berkeley. The food was delicious and the experience unique. I'm excited that both Caleb and Philip will join our poker game on Tuesday. Pearl and Sandra will be leaving for Hawaii next week. I'm starting a list of activities. The house will be super quiet when Pearl is gone. I wonder how I will adjust.