My birthday came and went. I played piano terribly as the musician at my first formal Odd Fellows meeting. On Friday, we had take out dinner (Lisa, Henry & family, plus Pearl, Caleb, Philip and Mae) to celebrate, followed by a Camel Up game with Lisa, Henry, Philip, and I. The next day, Pearl, Mae and I visited Elias at UCB. At night, I felt strangely alone as Pearl was ushering. I attended a local concern at Watermelon Music and to my delight saw Tony (an Odd Fellow) and Sara from UCC. The next day, I played piano for 2 hours at the Chocolate Festival. Wow, it was busy! Several guests complimented my playing, which made me feel better after my earlier setback. Tonight and tomorrow, I am hosting poker games with UCC and soccer friends.

It's been a year since I retired. If I were to describe retirement is one word, it would be PLAY. For exercise, I ride my bike everyday, do simple calisthenics, and play pickup / recreation soccer weekly. For mental gymnastics, I play chess, mahjong, poker, and board games regularly. Plus, I write code and manage the Quacera database. For community connections, I attend church and Odd Fellows every week and volunteer piano at retirement homes or nonprofit events. For social connections, I have a meal or attend a Kings game with friends every week. And each month, I usually attend a local concert and take a short trip to SF, Berkeley, or a nearby city. I'm happy to be part of the Rebekahs. It's a fun social group that does good work in the community.

I attended the Odd Fellows Installation dinner and enjoyed a sense of belonging. It's feels good to feel part of an organization. I've been trying to host and start social poker groups. Maybe that is part of my purpose: to bring people together. Caleb is home from Thailand. It was nice to have dinner with our full family, plus Rachel and her parents. Elias is heading back to UCB today. Christmas break is over. I've been learning about Amtrak Rail Passes. I think I would enjoy traveling on a train. Philip shared more about his girlfriend and his work at the Senate. It sounds like he is enjoying this new challenge. Mae is getting more babysitting hours.

Loss of Identity

I need to acknowledge the loss of identity associated with retirement. I have spent decades building a valuable expertise. I emailed the Assembly and wanted to evangelize custom software development in the legislature. I wholehearted believe in the value of this technology and the power of these tools, yet I was unable to convince the Assembly. With this setback, I realize how I miss being an "expert". While I love retirement, I would be remiss if I didn't accept that it is also a loss. I now fill this gap with building social connections and playing with friends (poker, soccer, mahjong, chess, piano).

I realize that I still need to let go of this prior identity in order to embrace a new one.

Santa Cruz, Kings, and Poker

We travelled to the Santa Cruz area and hiked in Felton, Aptos,and UCSC. The Kings are doing terrible and but still fun to go to the games. This was the first time this season that I saw the Beam! Winter poker with Soccer friends was a success. I'm trying to start a new group with UCC friends.

Know Thyself

I emailed the Assembly with an offer to build a small payroll subsystem. The results should not be surprising. In deep thought, I contemplate a reply -- my goal to "convince" this potential customer -- to make the sale.

I need to take a step back, a deep breath, and a long exhale. Instead of rationalizing work, I hope to use this opportunity to learn about myself. For many days, I was engulfed in work. Thinking, imagining, pacing, searching for a solution. My identity and self-worth were synonymous with the busyness, social adoration, and consumption of work.

As I take a step back, I ask myself, why? I am retired. The ego beckons, I need to let it be, let it go, to empty myself of these ambitions, which only lead to discontent. Social connections, friendships, kindness, trust is the more genuine path.

Christmas

This year, Christmas was a whirlwind. We celebrated Christmas Eve with our immediate family. Christmas Day started at Richard and Irene's house, then we hung out at Edna and Dave's place, before going to Chris and Leah's house.

Pearl visited Lisa in Red Bluff with Christine and Susan. I enjoyed time with Mae and Elias at home. I especially enjoyed lunch in West Sacramento with Caleb. We chatted about the wedding, work, and life. Philip is traveling in Southern California. The weather has been continous rain, fog, and overcast. The New Year was quiet, as I fell asleep at my usually time.

Everyday Moments

The diversity of how I experience time in retirement fills a range of emotions. At times, I embrace the moment and enjoy the silence, particular when I wake up early. At times, I enjoy social moments of connection such as playing soccer, board games, mahjong, or the piano. Elias is back from UCB. On Friday, we had a family dinner and set up Christmas decorations. Caleb, Elias, and I played Wingspan and I enjoyed the background noise of everyday life. But Saturday afternoon, I was a bit stir crazy with the rainy weather -- limited soccer games, limited biking, and an uncomfortable angst. Pearl and her sisters are struggling with care for Mom and Dad. They have differing opinions as to whether to hire in home care or send Dad to a home, as mom can no longer care for him. Each day, I feel I experience both amazing awe and nostalgic dispair. Before retirement, Life was building a career, a family, a path, a legacy. Now in retirement, simply seek to live each moment and experience life -- both the joys and sorrows.

Dreams of My Father

Pearl came home from Hawaii yesterday evening. This morning, I am up at 3am. I had a dream that I was at a church musical event. It felt something like an Odd Fellows event with people serving beverages to guests. I entered the room. I saw our interim Pastor and then my dad. It was if he were still alive. I immediately walked up to him where the servers were and gave him a giant hug. I wouldn't let go. I woke up shortly afterwards, and I am reminded of the truth--that he passed away long ago.

I am awake now, reminded of my past and this current moment. I admire my Mom. If I could emulate anyone, it would be my Mom with here mental strength, faith, eternal gratitude, and preservance, despite adversities. Yet, it is my father who gives me my identity. I title this post "Dreams of My Father" named after Barrack Obama's book. I read so few books these days, yet this book is one I treasure. Obama's book is about how his father, despite his absence, still, nottheless, had a profound effect on the man who would be President. I am grateful for my Father and his presence in my life. I am grateful for my children, as I hope to cultivate presence in their lives through acceptance and adult friendships.

Exploring and Connecting

My short trip to Cupertino was filled with visiting friends, hiking, and eating good Asian food. It was great to catch up with Wajohn, Ken, and Jeannie. Rancho San Antonio was familar but also new. The trails were more established than I remember and even had paved bike paths. The zoo was a delight. It's nice to see working farm animals: cows, sheep, goats, chickens, and even baby pigs. The restrautants were great including an H-Mart and Japanese Grocery Superstore.

Finally, I invited extended family over for a simple Costco dinner, Kings game, and Game Night. The house is quiet with Pearl away in Hawaii. I'm glad several people were able to come: Tom's, Chings, Lockes, Stephen. I'm always grateful that Caleb & Rachel, Philip, and Mae came too. I like being around people, even if I don't talk much. There is an one bedroom condo available at Washington Commons. I ponder, question, wonder -- should I buy it??? So far, the short ocassional trips to Foster City, Asilomar, and Cupertino; along with day trips to SF have worked well.

Cupertino

I enjoyed lunch with Wajohn. Next, I passed by Garden Gate and explored H Mart in Cupertino. Tomorrow, I'll hike Rancho San Antonio then visit Ken.

Feeling Lazy in the Short, Foggy Days

I skipped soccer yesterday. It's easy to get lazy. On one hand, I know I should play, because I always feel better afterwards. On the other hand, I am getting older and my limited skills are in decline. With limited soccer in the winter, I hosted a couple of poker games. It's fun. Even Philip and Caleb stopped by. I've also been attending several UCD student concerts on campus. Tonight is Thursday Live concert after the City Tree lighting ceremony. Tomorrow, I'll shop and have lunch with Mae. In the evening, Pearl, Henry, and I will see the Doobie Brothers. Next week, Pearl will be in Hawaii with Sandra. I'm planning to visit Wajohn, then explore Cupertino.

I do worry about Mae and her dating and job situation. On one hand she is an adult, saved her own money and should have the automony that comes with being 21 years old. On the other hand, she has some limitations with her disability. It's difficult to balance.

Thanksgiving Weekend is Over

We drove Elias back to UCB, then Caleb, Philip, Mae and I watched the Kings game. The entire Thanksgiving weekend seems like a blur. The house is definitely quieter with Elias gone. A serendiptous adventure was dining at the Thai temple in Berkeley. The food was delicious and the experience unique. I'm excited that both Caleb and Philip will join our poker game on Tuesday. Pearl and Sandra will be leaving for Hawaii next week. I'm starting a list of activities. The house will be super quiet when Pearl is gone. I wonder how I will adjust.

Thanksgiving

On this Thanksgiving morning, I am overcome with emotion as I recall my holiday memories. As a youth, I remember visiting relatives and enjoying a holiday feast. In NAPS, I remember visiting John Wolf and his family. As a young adult, I remember Pearl visiting New London, CT and John Wolf's family. With family, I remember time in Bowie with our immediate family, plus time in California with in-laws, relatives, and mo
We celebrated Thanksgiving at Diana's house. The yearly photos are a treasure. Then, afterwards had dessert at Edna and Dave's house.

A Full Weekend of Social Connections

I attended a couple of UCD music concerts; then, with Mae watched a UCD women's singing group and studio 301--a student musical production. I enjoyed playing soccer at UCD and Nugget--our early morning game was my first in the cold. Jen, Joey, Mari, Anujit, Caleb and I celebrated Ameya's birthday at Pizza and Pints. We are planning to play pickleball tonight and I'll host another poker game next week. On Sunday, after church, we visited grandparents, while Leslie, Mike, Caleb, Philip, and JoAnn stopped by. Yesterday, I enjoyed afternoon Mahjong, then a Rebekah meeting in the evening. I'm excited for the upcoming Thursday Live, Beatles concert. I'm learning the music for the Odd Fellows' Odes as next year I will be the musician. I invited Shirley and Arlene to the Doobie Brother's concert. Neither could go, but Henry and Pearl now plan to attend.

Visits

The last two evenings, I have enjoyed chatting. Yesterday, Philip stopped by after soccer practice. I enjoyed hearing about his first couple of days at the Senate. The transformation from remote to in the office will be an adjustment. Nonetheless, it was insightful to hear his review of the code base and assessment of his new role. Tonight, Caleb stopped by after having dinner in Davis with friends. I enjoyed our discussion about the potential of AI, as NVDA reported stellar earnings today.

I played soccer tonight at UCD. I seriously questioned whether I should go, whether I am too old with limited skills, and whether the risk of injury it too high. As always, I was glad that I played. Similarly, I questioned if I should go to the Odd Fellows Wine Club, but afterwards, I was glad that I attended. Is the secret to life captured in Nike's famous quotation" Just Do It! Should I play piano on the worship team? Should I invite the Dong side over? Should I play chess with Odd Fellow friends on Tuesday mornings?

Purple Team

Soccer "purple" season is over. The purple Kings are playing terribly. The days are short, the first rainstorm passed. Winter is here.

Philip started at the Senate. Mae moved to another apartment in the same complex. I played piano to welcome the public to the Odd Fellows Classic Film Festival. I enjoyed a couple of 1970s murder mysteries: The Last of Sheila and Murder on the Orient Express. With nothing on the calendar for tomorrow, I'm taking Amtrak to SF.

I've been a saver all my life. We have reached a unique time in history, when big tech is dominating the business work and financial markets. Having studied the numbers in retirement, I have surely made the transition. By any measurement, time is now the limiting factor. I feel I am making the tranistion to this new mindset. Now, will others follow?

Piano

I finally feel, that when I'm in my zone and not nervous, I have become a good piano player. Last week, I had a small epiphany of a walking baseline from the root down to the fifth. I tried the same pattern in all keys. Suddenly, I felt with practice I had a new tool to improvise. I thought I could learn more patterns like this to complete my skills and play more by ear. Essentially, I'm learning music and connecting the dots in my music theory and practice. Here at Asilomar, I enjoy playing the piano for 30-60 minutes each day. It's a refreshing break, a mental challenge, and an emotional joy when I feel I am playing well.

Monterey

I was slightly apprehensive about coming to Monterey, but like usually, once I started I had a great time. We had dinner with Wayne and Nora, biked Pacific Grove, walked around Carmel, and enjoyed several nice meals. The piano at Asilomar is old, but it works. I savored a quiet walk on the Asilomar campus to the sounds of the ocean, lit by the full moon. For a few moments, I could almost feel as if it were 1991 again, when we lived in La Mesa.

Connections

A night of connections.... playing piano before the Classic Film festival was fun. I didn't think I would make it through the movie, but I stayed and I loved it--"The Last of Sheila" an old 1970s murder mystery. The best part was the audience was full and I grabbed a nearby open seat. I happen to be next to neighbors, Mitch and Joan; behind UCC Doug and Gail; and in front of Odd Fellows, Juan and Becky. I also ran into Will from Mahjong. I enjoyed these simple moments of laughter and connection, about the movie, piano, and life in general. Finding friends in other venues is serendipitous and make life full, rich, and connected. Next up... text messages from our fellow Viking cruise travellers and catching up with Wayne and Nora from Monterey. I reflect now with a moment of contentment over the past weekend. The Odd Fellows Halloween party was fun. The labor of setting up spooky decorations with Dave Reed and Deb was work, but a worthy investment in community. Elias came home. Dinner at Mom's Dumplings with Ameya, Joey, Mari, Anujit, Pearl, and Eli. Church with Mae. Lunch and soccer with Caleb and Philip (purple won). Finally, playing piano in a full theater, filled with friends and strangers; followed by a great movie.