Wrestling Season

Wrestling season started. I must admit watching Philip's wrestling match is intense for me, far more than watching him play soccer or run cross-country. There is something primal about wrestling, two people on the mat, giving it everything they have. I am caught up, consumed in the moment, even overwhelmed with intense emotion. My reaction seems contrary to the Buddhism tenets I seek in pursuing the middle way.

Philip continues to get better each season. The workouts, technique, and weight management builds discipline like no other sport. While Philip's success in sports builds his confidence, these fleeting accomplishments should not be the sole basis for his identity. The middle way is balance.

The Simple Path

I have been reading the Dalia Lama's, the Simple Path. I've come to understand that to practice Buddhism is not to surrender my Christianity. On the contrary, Buddhism finds no need to increase its numbers or expand its influence, but rather suggests that we focus on the strengths of our own faith tradition, rather than its flaws. For Buddhism acknowledges that these other faiths have provided hope and given meaning to millions of people and therefore is a positive force in the world, despite what we (who seek faiths outside of their upbringing) may see as its shortcomings. So, Buddhism's first goal is to make me a better Christian.

It is this openness, denial of the ego-soul, and pacifist roots that perhaps provide a deeper understanding of the teachings of Jesus Christ. To deny oneself, blessed are the poor, to set the captives free, we are made perfect in our weakness -- is this not the kingdom? Can this kingdom be understood from a western context immersed in geopolitical power?

My recent study of faith has taught me how our identity is shaped by our race, gender, nationalism, culture, and social economic status. These factors have a significant impact on how we think and view our world. By denying our own ego soul, Buddhism seeks to rise above these cultural influences. Is this not the path of Jesus Christ and his calling to us. Could it be that the creator and creation are meant to be as one--in intimate connection, inseparable, and indistinguishable from one another. Could it be that our implicit trust and belief in the existence of our own ego-soul is sin's power over us.

Buddhism starts from the pretext of denying the most important aspect of our identity--our own ego soul, and in doing so, may open a genuine understanding of the kingdom that Jesus proclaimed.

Am I a cup already full?

Thanksgiving -- the familar

Thanksgiving is the familiar--the smell of turkey in the oven and the sounds of ma-jong blocks colliding amongst friendly conversation. I see my past in the little ones, my present in my own life, and my future in my parents' generation...

It was a mix of activities: Caleb's first visit home from college, working on the duplex, Philip's lock-down at DCCC, family baptismal services, and the traditional turkey dinner.

Halloween and Half Marathons

Fall is here. The days are short. MaeMae and Elias celebrated Halloween as Superman and Jessica (from Toy Story). Both are doing well.

Philip finished his final X-country race for the year. He also ran the Clarksburg half marathon to support Jo-Ann. I tried to run a couple of times and realized that there is no way I could do it. I asked him if he would miss X-Country and he definitely will. It has been a fun season for him. While he may not be the fastest runner, he has made great strides. That is the lesson of athletics. Wrestling season starts. Philip is the team captain.

20 Year Reunion

This weekend is the 20th year reunion for my Coast Guard Academy class. Although I wanted to, I did not attend. Family life and kids are just too busy these days. Several of my classmates posted pictures. While it brings back vivid memories, but to be honest, my Coast Guard years are no long a major part of who I am, despite the fact that it consumed my formative years in college and early career. I certainly miss many of the friends I made, but that was a long time ago. Maybe I'll go for my 25th or 30th reunion, when MaeMae and Elias are older. It certainly would be good to see some classmates again.

Returning to my Roots

We are debating if we should return to the Chinese Church. For the first 18 years of my life, Chinese Grace Bible Church defined me: my ethnicity, my faith, my friends. It was there that I made my longest lasting friendship--the type of people you just hang out with, even my wife.

While I have certainly changed, particularly my theological framework, our ethnicity runs deeper--to the core of our identity.

In his first week, Philip had a different experience at the Chinese church as compared to our previous, mainstream church. His ultimate path I don't know, but being exposed to both, I feel, is good--particularly as a youth.

In some respects, it would be good to be home again. On the other hand, once we change, we can never return to the same home.

Backyard Chickens

It's been 18 weeks, a short journey: building the coop, raising chicks, heating the nest. Yesterday, the reason for this undertaking came to fruition. Maybe, not a sign of affection to its owners, but nonetheless treats to behold: finally our first egg! Two more eggs followed today... a never ending supply. MaeMae and Elias are delighted to check for eggs each day. They are small, brown, delicate, and tasty. I affectionately ask Elias, "Did the chicken lay a golden egg?"

Raising chickens has been fun--among my most memorable birthday gifts. This year, Caleb and Philip gave me a chicken coop for my birthday. With some help from my friend Steve, we designed and built the coop on the side of our house. The little chicks, warmed by a light bulb, first lived in our kitchen, then our garage. At 6 weeks old, they braved the elements in their new home.

Of the six, one was a rooster and woke us up each day. So we brought it to Dad, who slaughtered it. MaeMae and Elias seemed okay seeing Dad remove the feathers in near boiling water.

Next, I tinkered with perches, stairs, and nesting boxes. I watched the chickens eat all the greens in the area. I learned how to use chickens to turn compost. Finally, the eggs came. It's been a fun journey for all of us.

Caleb moves to San Diego

Pearl and I "launched" Caleb on his college career. I have been home but an hour and his absence is already felt.

It was a strange weekend, knowing that we would be returning without Caleb. I sensed that Caleb was apprehensive, but also excited: a healthy response to the stress of so many changes. During our orientations, our paths occasionally crossed and I wasn't sure if Pearl and I should approach him or let him be with his new peers. It was a balancing act--how much to let go, how fast. It always is. I was pleased to see Caleb grow, seek his own path, and take the initiative in meeting his new classmates.

As for me, the emotions run deep. It is a mixed feeling. I recall my own "launch" a flight across the country, a taxi ride across Groton bridge, arriving at Chase Hall near midnight. While I miss him, I sense that Caleb is ready, so I am excited for him. Letting go is a process. I felt the weekend helped me sort through my own feelings as well. I sensed that Caleb was ready and that feeling was the source of my strength. The parent orientation hosted a panel and numerous books on "letting go" insisting that parents can't expect their students to call everyday. It helped me to see Caleb excited about the future. I am proud of him and look forward to forging a new relationship with him.

Raider game with Caleb

Last night, Caleb and I went to the Raiders' game at the coliseum for monday night football. It was the first time for either of us to attend an NFL game, something for us to do before Caleb is off to college. The game was exciting, the crowd wildly enthusiastic, and the memories lasting.

We left around 3:30pm to the Richmond BART station. We shared a simple meal at Taco Bell, next to the BART station. I gave Caleb a letter from Pearl and I, basically sharing how proud we are of him, growing up from a baby to a responsible adult--that he had our blessings. Then, we took BART to the coliseum. The game went down to the wire. The Raiders took the lead with just over 2 minutes to go. San Diego would need a touchdown. Unfortunately, they marched down the field and scored with only a few seconds left. Getting out of the stadium took forever. We were slowly walking for close to an hour before we got to the BART station.

The fans were on their feet practically the whole time, that our legs got tired. Despite the ruckus atmosphere and Raider reputation, everyone was polite as I knew they would be. The ethnic diversity was evident.

During the national anthem, two jets flew overhead timed exactly to the sing. Their engines roared and I thought for a moment the terror they would invoke if they were enemy jets--with US air supremacy.

It was a great night that I will never forgot. I recall the day that Caleb, our first child, was born and I held him in my arms--my son. Now, he is moving away to college.

Cross Country

Philip just got his cross country uniform. As he tried on his uniform, I could tell he felt uncomfortable wearing running shorts. He got the "long" running shorts, which to him were still too short. I'm sure the shorts felt fine: for Philip it was merely the perceived social awkwardness of wearing shorts that are "short", as compared to his more familiar soccer shorts.

MaeMae was excited to see Philip in his uniform. She called out, "Philip, you look awesome!" in her usual cheerful voice.

I'm sure he will get use to his new uniform. It can't be as strangle as wearing a wrestling singlet for the first time.

Cross country seems like a great sport. It's a large, social, co-ed team. They have pasta feeds before meets. Everyone shows great improvement over the season. It doesn't have an overly competitive tone. I look forward to watching his meets. Maybe, Philip will even motivate me to dust off my running shoes, but to keep up with Philip, I'll need my bike. :-)

First Day of School

MaeMae starts kindergarten, Elias a new preschool, Caleb registers for his classes at UCSD.

It's been an eventful summer, now the school year begins. MaeMae has adjusted well. A few months ago, I would not have imagined such as easy first day of school...no anxiety, no nerviness, just the excitement of learning. Fairfield has an intimate rural country-like setting a few mile out of town.

Elias starts Applegate with Christian and Timmy. He has never had a problem adjusting to new situations, so I don't anticipate any problems.

For the next month, on the days that Pearl works, Caleb will be driving his young siblings to and from school. I sometimes wonder if these responsibilities will convince him not to have kids :-)

He signed up for classes on-line today. Overall, he got most of his classes with the exception of SE-1 (wait list). The only downside is he has classes from 5-7pm every MWF.

Pearl started her classes as well...a new grade (1st).

Bikers and Drivers

Caleb (hopefully) gets his driver's license tomorrow. MaeMae learns to ride a bicycle. Two milestones I vividly remember in my own life, I re-live again through the eyes of my children--at two vastly different stages in their lives.

Maelin's face lit with exuberance and pride. She immediately wanted mommy to see her, repeatedly saying "I can't believe I can ride a two wheel bike." I see her confidence growing in so many ways: riding a bike, swimming, learning her letters, easily moving into new settings.

Neither of us, Caleb and I, are shoppers, yet yesterday, we bought dorm stuff for the future: comforter, desk lamp, fan, some clothes, electronic charging station. We also set up some financial accounts: an ATM/credit card, online banking, so I can transfer money to Caleb as needed. After Mt Herman, I thought to myself how relaxing it is to be with a responsible college student as compared to two lovely (but needy) little kids.

Mount Herman

We just returned from a week of family camp at Mount Herman. I found it a relaxing time, despite the flurry of activities for our varied group. Watching after my mom (85) and our little ones MaeMae (5) and Elias (3), I am the sandwich generation. Yet, it was joyful to see Elias and MaeMae greeting my mom, the first one up, in the morning and playing with her cane--their favorite toy.

Our experience at Mount Herman has been one of community as our extended group included David and JoAnn and their boys, Christine Lee and her kids, and JoAnn's friend Tanya and her two kids. 17 in all--a cacophony of voices, people gathering for meals, children laughing, crying, and joyfully playing.

The ropes course--a high wire series of balancing tasks-- was exciting. Philip and Joshua took the canopy tour, a collection of zip lines through the beautiful redwoods. We spent one day at the Santa Cruz beach boardwalk, where we all enjoyed a acrobat show. Elias also enjoyed a "dragon" ride, while my mom walked the boardwalk.

This was the first year that Caleb (18) did not attend because of a summer job. His absense was felt. In one month, he is off to college.