Back to School

I sit in Caleb's apartment now, as he starts his second year at UC San Diego. A year ago, he started his college career, excited, not knowing what lay ahead. I, too, as a parent knew nothing of letting go. Today, as he reunited with his friends, it was a sense of the familiar--in a good way. It become apparently clear to me that San Diego (just as much as Davis) is his home and he is happy.

The school year has began and our lives are like a whirlpool. Pearl is working full time with Maelin at her school. Elias has preschool and extended care at Applegate. Philip starts his senior year. I am consumed in my work as our office adopts new OOP practices. While the days fly by, I sometime wonder the meaning of this busyness.

This week we had Philip's back to school night and a picnic at North Davis. Next, I flew with Caleb to San Diego to help him unpack and stock up his kitchen--somewhat feeling out of place among college students.

Fall is here.

Posts from Yesteryear -- Taiwan (2005)

Feb 19, 05: Our first day in Taiwan and my fears of being lost in a foreign city are subsiding. We landed and managed to take the bus into Taipei, find our hotel, and learn the fundamentals of the subway metro. We saw a temple, a memorial, a night market and more, but what I'll remember most about Taipei is the full senses that it demands. Neon lights, unceasing audible warnings, and strange, but strong odors fill the city. I think of Mu-Shien.... I am exhausted.

Feb 20, 05: It has been days, but finally I slept well and feel refreshed this morning. Taipei is so busy. What started as a quiet Saturday morning at 7:00, we we first arrived grew into a vibrant hustling city by evening -- people everywhere. The night markets were exotic, unlike anything in the west. Filled with food galore prepared in strange ways. The smell that penetrated the air, as if to surround us, was like fish and curry. First it was unique, but over time, became mildly sickening and overwhelming. The temple was beautiful--the music, the candles, the lanterns, the prayers, the people gathering together--there voices (language) I could not understand. It would have been perfect had it not been for the incense, which smoke and smell at times I found overwhelming. The Buddhist temple, nonetheless, was beautiful.

Today it's Sunday -- a quieter day in Taipei. We went to the National Palace Museum and saw numerous scrolls, wood carvings, jade, and sculptures. Next, was shopping -- never ending stores --high rise buildings. Lunch was unique at a teahouse -- waffles and tea. After an afternoon nap we headed to Taipei City Hall to see the hundreds of lanterns in celebration of the Lantern Festival 15 days into the new Lunar year -- the Roster.

Feb 21, 05: The waterfront in Dansui was dissappointing. Rainy and cold -- the port was empty with few attractions. We caught the MRT then found Bus 26 which took us to the desserted waterfront. I was fearful that we wouldn't be able to get back, but luckily the route is frequently travelled. Next, we went to Bentou which was a great experience int he hot springs. Soaking in hot mineral water in the cold rain was fun.

Last night we lost our room at Hotel Royal Inn and moved to the Rosemary Inn - which was run down. It was dated, dirty, and cold. The mattress was like a box spring and hard to sleep on. It reminded me of days sleeping on the floor because it was so hard.

Feb 22, 05: We started a 5 day/4 night tour of the island. Today, most of the day was at Sun Moon Lake and the aboriginal culture. Now we are at Taiching. I am still preoccupied with MuShien. I can't wait to meet her. I am saddened that my father never had a chance to meet her. I also thinkg of him and how hard it must be on my mom to suddenly be without him after so long.

Another interesting fact about Taiwan is the bettlenut or bitternut. Young women often scantly dressed sell these snacks which are extremely bitter but provide a warmth in the body. It is a stimulant that many people use particularly in the rural and central part of Taiwan. The stands are everywhere! The tree looks like a palm tree but much smaller. It is a strange industry.

7-11 shacks for dinner. Again, I fall asleep so fast and anxiously await tomorrow. The weather is warmer and there is less rain. This city is older, but more neon lights surround the streets and create a deco atmosphere.

Feb 23, 05: We saw several sites enroute to Kaoshing, the 2nd largest city in Taiwan. Kaoshing is the main seaport and lacks the infrastructure (MRT) of Taipei--although one is being built now. We saw the peota in Ching Ching lake and the zig zag bridge. Prior to Kaoshing we stopped in Lakung -- a small town to see a duddhist temple with many interesting small markets with exotic foods.

At night, near our hotel we wondered to the lantern festival. There were tens of thousands of people swarming the river bed. Fireworks and shops and crowds were everywhere. The show was lasers, water fountains, and projected colors followed by music and fireworks.

Feb 24, 05: Today we went to Kenting National park. It took about 2 hours to get there. Climbing the huge volcanic rocks, seeing the ocean, and the lush vegetation was fascinating. We saw a water buffalo and a family of monkeys. The lighthouse was also interesting. South, the weather was much warmer and humid. At night we walked about 5 blocks to the open markets. We ate at a hot pot -- simple Japanese style meal. Again, the late night with so many people, and exotic foods, under neon lights -- strange smells.

Feb 28, 05: I couldn't stop thinking about tomorrow. I fell asleep watching movies--my family all of us together. Now, I am awake feeling there is too much to do. Tomorrow, we meet her for the first time.

Alaskan Cruise

"A liking for the sea and it's lore..."

While its been nearly 20 years since I sailed the seas, the cruise rekindle my affections for the ocean. I appreciated the time being with family. Unplugged from the world, on the ocean, shipboard time operates at its own pace.

The cruise was a celebration of Mom and Dad's 50th Anniversary. It was fun to be with extended family. Fine dining, an evening show, a walk around port, jogging the treadmill, seeing the majestic glaciers--all characterized the cruise, but mostly it was just about being together as a family.

The global economics were also evident. Almost 1900 passengers being served by a crew of 900, mostly from developing nations. Crew members earned as little as $30 per day, while working 12 hour days. My only comfort in experiencing this overt economic disparity firsthand was the fact that most crew members worked on cruise lines for decades indicating that these jobs, although menial from a 1st world perspective, might provided upward mobility in developing nations.

Change of Command

Today, I attended a change of command ceremony in Oakland. It was good to see several classmates again, many of whom I haven't seen in 10 or 20 years. Caleb and Philip came and they had a glimpse of part of my life that they had never seen.

In these reflective moments, one always ponders--what if...what if I stayed in the Coast Guard? Life was not meant to live in the hypothetical.

I had a good time. I'm glad I was able to share this moment with Caleb and Philip.

Spring Break

A visit to the snow, a trip to San Diego, spring is here.

We enjoyed a few side trips and one long one to San Diego. Eli and MaeMae enjoyed the beach and Legoland. It was good to see Caleb, and for Philip to spend a day in the dorms.

The battle of the bands at picnic day is becoming one of my favorite traditions. MaeMae loved the music and couldn't stop dancing. Eli couldn't stop laughing at the Stanford band and all their crazy costumes. Music is something special that touches the soul.

I have been watching these you tube videos on Stephen Hawking's lectures on the origins of the universe--thoughtful and provocative. There is so much available on the internet these days.

Christmas 2009

It was good to have Caleb hope for an extended period. The 2009 Christmas season could best be described as visiting family and watching movies. Nothing exciting, but nonetheless time together. Soon, Philip will be in college and our household will change even more. The holidays become a blur: watching Avatar; Philip's wrestling meet; a family Christmas eve; Christmas morning with Pearl's family; visiting my extended family in Lodi on Christmas night; my extended family celebration at our house; yard work at my mom's house; a family trip to Lawrence Hall of Science at UC Berkeley; New Years Eve with JoAnn's Family.

Wrestling Season

Wrestling season started. I must admit watching Philip's wrestling match is intense for me, far more than watching him play soccer or run cross-country. There is something primal about wrestling, two people on the mat, giving it everything they have. I am caught up, consumed in the moment, even overwhelmed with intense emotion. My reaction seems contrary to the Buddhism tenets I seek in pursuing the middle way.

Philip continues to get better each season. The workouts, technique, and weight management builds discipline like no other sport. While Philip's success in sports builds his confidence, these fleeting accomplishments should not be the sole basis for his identity. The middle way is balance.

The Simple Path

I have been reading the Dalia Lama's, the Simple Path. I've come to understand that to practice Buddhism is not to surrender my Christianity. On the contrary, Buddhism finds no need to increase its numbers or expand its influence, but rather suggests that we focus on the strengths of our own faith tradition, rather than its flaws. For Buddhism acknowledges that these other faiths have provided hope and given meaning to millions of people and therefore is a positive force in the world, despite what we (who seek faiths outside of their upbringing) may see as its shortcomings. So, Buddhism's first goal is to make me a better Christian.

It is this openness, denial of the ego-soul, and pacifist roots that perhaps provide a deeper understanding of the teachings of Jesus Christ. To deny oneself, blessed are the poor, to set the captives free, we are made perfect in our weakness -- is this not the kingdom? Can this kingdom be understood from a western context immersed in geopolitical power?

My recent study of faith has taught me how our identity is shaped by our race, gender, nationalism, culture, and social economic status. These factors have a significant impact on how we think and view our world. By denying our own ego soul, Buddhism seeks to rise above these cultural influences. Is this not the path of Jesus Christ and his calling to us. Could it be that the creator and creation are meant to be as one--in intimate connection, inseparable, and indistinguishable from one another. Could it be that our implicit trust and belief in the existence of our own ego-soul is sin's power over us.

Buddhism starts from the pretext of denying the most important aspect of our identity--our own ego soul, and in doing so, may open a genuine understanding of the kingdom that Jesus proclaimed.

Am I a cup already full?

Thanksgiving -- the familar

Thanksgiving is the familiar--the smell of turkey in the oven and the sounds of ma-jong blocks colliding amongst friendly conversation. I see my past in the little ones, my present in my own life, and my future in my parents' generation...

It was a mix of activities: Caleb's first visit home from college, working on the duplex, Philip's lock-down at DCCC, family baptismal services, and the traditional turkey dinner.

Halloween and Half Marathons

Fall is here. The days are short. MaeMae and Elias celebrated Halloween as Superman and Jessica (from Toy Story). Both are doing well.

Philip finished his final X-country race for the year. He also ran the Clarksburg half marathon to support Jo-Ann. I tried to run a couple of times and realized that there is no way I could do it. I asked him if he would miss X-Country and he definitely will. It has been a fun season for him. While he may not be the fastest runner, he has made great strides. That is the lesson of athletics. Wrestling season starts. Philip is the team captain.

20 Year Reunion

This weekend is the 20th year reunion for my Coast Guard Academy class. Although I wanted to, I did not attend. Family life and kids are just too busy these days. Several of my classmates posted pictures. While it brings back vivid memories, but to be honest, my Coast Guard years are no long a major part of who I am, despite the fact that it consumed my formative years in college and early career. I certainly miss many of the friends I made, but that was a long time ago. Maybe I'll go for my 25th or 30th reunion, when MaeMae and Elias are older. It certainly would be good to see some classmates again.

Returning to my Roots

We are debating if we should return to the Chinese Church. For the first 18 years of my life, Chinese Grace Bible Church defined me: my ethnicity, my faith, my friends. It was there that I made my longest lasting friendship--the type of people you just hang out with, even my wife.

While I have certainly changed, particularly my theological framework, our ethnicity runs deeper--to the core of our identity.

In his first week, Philip had a different experience at the Chinese church as compared to our previous, mainstream church. His ultimate path I don't know, but being exposed to both, I feel, is good--particularly as a youth.

In some respects, it would be good to be home again. On the other hand, once we change, we can never return to the same home.

Backyard Chickens

It's been 18 weeks, a short journey: building the coop, raising chicks, heating the nest. Yesterday, the reason for this undertaking came to fruition. Maybe, not a sign of affection to its owners, but nonetheless treats to behold: finally our first egg! Two more eggs followed today... a never ending supply. MaeMae and Elias are delighted to check for eggs each day. They are small, brown, delicate, and tasty. I affectionately ask Elias, "Did the chicken lay a golden egg?"

Raising chickens has been fun--among my most memorable birthday gifts. This year, Caleb and Philip gave me a chicken coop for my birthday. With some help from my friend Steve, we designed and built the coop on the side of our house. The little chicks, warmed by a light bulb, first lived in our kitchen, then our garage. At 6 weeks old, they braved the elements in their new home.

Of the six, one was a rooster and woke us up each day. So we brought it to Dad, who slaughtered it. MaeMae and Elias seemed okay seeing Dad remove the feathers in near boiling water.

Next, I tinkered with perches, stairs, and nesting boxes. I watched the chickens eat all the greens in the area. I learned how to use chickens to turn compost. Finally, the eggs came. It's been a fun journey for all of us.

Caleb moves to San Diego

Pearl and I "launched" Caleb on his college career. I have been home but an hour and his absence is already felt.

It was a strange weekend, knowing that we would be returning without Caleb. I sensed that Caleb was apprehensive, but also excited: a healthy response to the stress of so many changes. During our orientations, our paths occasionally crossed and I wasn't sure if Pearl and I should approach him or let him be with his new peers. It was a balancing act--how much to let go, how fast. It always is. I was pleased to see Caleb grow, seek his own path, and take the initiative in meeting his new classmates.

As for me, the emotions run deep. It is a mixed feeling. I recall my own "launch" a flight across the country, a taxi ride across Groton bridge, arriving at Chase Hall near midnight. While I miss him, I sense that Caleb is ready, so I am excited for him. Letting go is a process. I felt the weekend helped me sort through my own feelings as well. I sensed that Caleb was ready and that feeling was the source of my strength. The parent orientation hosted a panel and numerous books on "letting go" insisting that parents can't expect their students to call everyday. It helped me to see Caleb excited about the future. I am proud of him and look forward to forging a new relationship with him.

Raider game with Caleb

Last night, Caleb and I went to the Raiders' game at the coliseum for monday night football. It was the first time for either of us to attend an NFL game, something for us to do before Caleb is off to college. The game was exciting, the crowd wildly enthusiastic, and the memories lasting.

We left around 3:30pm to the Richmond BART station. We shared a simple meal at Taco Bell, next to the BART station. I gave Caleb a letter from Pearl and I, basically sharing how proud we are of him, growing up from a baby to a responsible adult--that he had our blessings. Then, we took BART to the coliseum. The game went down to the wire. The Raiders took the lead with just over 2 minutes to go. San Diego would need a touchdown. Unfortunately, they marched down the field and scored with only a few seconds left. Getting out of the stadium took forever. We were slowly walking for close to an hour before we got to the BART station.

The fans were on their feet practically the whole time, that our legs got tired. Despite the ruckus atmosphere and Raider reputation, everyone was polite as I knew they would be. The ethnic diversity was evident.

During the national anthem, two jets flew overhead timed exactly to the sing. Their engines roared and I thought for a moment the terror they would invoke if they were enemy jets--with US air supremacy.

It was a great night that I will never forgot. I recall the day that Caleb, our first child, was born and I held him in my arms--my son. Now, he is moving away to college.

Cross Country

Philip just got his cross country uniform. As he tried on his uniform, I could tell he felt uncomfortable wearing running shorts. He got the "long" running shorts, which to him were still too short. I'm sure the shorts felt fine: for Philip it was merely the perceived social awkwardness of wearing shorts that are "short", as compared to his more familiar soccer shorts.

MaeMae was excited to see Philip in his uniform. She called out, "Philip, you look awesome!" in her usual cheerful voice.

I'm sure he will get use to his new uniform. It can't be as strangle as wearing a wrestling singlet for the first time.

Cross country seems like a great sport. It's a large, social, co-ed team. They have pasta feeds before meets. Everyone shows great improvement over the season. It doesn't have an overly competitive tone. I look forward to watching his meets. Maybe, Philip will even motivate me to dust off my running shoes, but to keep up with Philip, I'll need my bike. :-)

First Day of School

MaeMae starts kindergarten, Elias a new preschool, Caleb registers for his classes at UCSD.

It's been an eventful summer, now the school year begins. MaeMae has adjusted well. A few months ago, I would not have imagined such as easy first day of school...no anxiety, no nerviness, just the excitement of learning. Fairfield has an intimate rural country-like setting a few mile out of town.

Elias starts Applegate with Christian and Timmy. He has never had a problem adjusting to new situations, so I don't anticipate any problems.

For the next month, on the days that Pearl works, Caleb will be driving his young siblings to and from school. I sometimes wonder if these responsibilities will convince him not to have kids :-)

He signed up for classes on-line today. Overall, he got most of his classes with the exception of SE-1 (wait list). The only downside is he has classes from 5-7pm every MWF.

Pearl started her classes as well...a new grade (1st).

Bikers and Drivers

Caleb (hopefully) gets his driver's license tomorrow. MaeMae learns to ride a bicycle. Two milestones I vividly remember in my own life, I re-live again through the eyes of my children--at two vastly different stages in their lives.

Maelin's face lit with exuberance and pride. She immediately wanted mommy to see her, repeatedly saying "I can't believe I can ride a two wheel bike." I see her confidence growing in so many ways: riding a bike, swimming, learning her letters, easily moving into new settings.

Neither of us, Caleb and I, are shoppers, yet yesterday, we bought dorm stuff for the future: comforter, desk lamp, fan, some clothes, electronic charging station. We also set up some financial accounts: an ATM/credit card, online banking, so I can transfer money to Caleb as needed. After Mt Herman, I thought to myself how relaxing it is to be with a responsible college student as compared to two lovely (but needy) little kids.

Mount Herman

We just returned from a week of family camp at Mount Herman. I found it a relaxing time, despite the flurry of activities for our varied group. Watching after my mom (85) and our little ones MaeMae (5) and Elias (3), I am the sandwich generation. Yet, it was joyful to see Elias and MaeMae greeting my mom, the first one up, in the morning and playing with her cane--their favorite toy.

Our experience at Mount Herman has been one of community as our extended group included David and JoAnn and their boys, Christine Lee and her kids, and JoAnn's friend Tanya and her two kids. 17 in all--a cacophony of voices, people gathering for meals, children laughing, crying, and joyfully playing.

The ropes course--a high wire series of balancing tasks-- was exciting. Philip and Joshua took the canopy tour, a collection of zip lines through the beautiful redwoods. We spent one day at the Santa Cruz beach boardwalk, where we all enjoyed a acrobat show. Elias also enjoyed a "dragon" ride, while my mom walked the boardwalk.

This was the first year that Caleb (18) did not attend because of a summer job. His absense was felt. In one month, he is off to college.